Maybe because they are KNEEBOARDS!!!
(Although, the stand-ups could make the same claim against those Kneelo's who've never done a "real turn" due to their ancient board design... sorry "short quad" guys.
)Here's the link:
http://www.surfline.com/surfnews/articl ... m?id=17437
Here's an excerpt:
We spent the next few days watching Donny bog in barrels, trying to convince him that we were right about Retro Boards, while he was wrong.
It became quite the topic of conversation, right up there with what an evil monster Donny's estranged wife was. In fact, it was such a talking point, I even emailed some experts for their opinions on the matter: 2001 World Champ CJ Hobgood, and premier surf historian Matt Warshaw.
Some key points from the battlefield, as presented by the anti-retro contingent:
Retro Boards are undeniably fun in summer slop. But when the waves get serious, and there are kegs to be tapped, Retro Boards have a tendency to track straight to the base of the wave, or get hung up on the high line. Translation: In good waves, Retro boards are most fun when other people are riding them. Your trendy bro gets pitched over the falls on his shiny relic, while you get barreled on a standard board. "I'm sure they work when its ankle high burgers," CJ Hobgood told me. "But when the waves get good, watching crew trying to get them to work is pretty classic. There's always a price for being cool."
As CJ points out, people are only riding them because they're cool. Blame Sprout, blame Rob Machado, blame Mullosk, blame nostalgia... "In Florida trends normally get overlooked," Hobgood told me, "And I don't see as many retro fishes. But when I go to my brother's house in Encinitas, watch out. Unless you're a grom, you can't find a shortboard."
Retro boards are fools' gold, and should be used with discretion. "I'm sure it feels like you're ripping on a board that you could've actually gotten two shortboards worth out of with all that foam and resin," CJ notes. "But truth be told don't be scared to go back to that shortboard or fish or quad or gun. I do when the time's right. Not everyone can get a 5'10 flyer to work at 6 to 8 foot Bells, Slater you freak."
Let sleeping dogs lie. Each retro design had a place in surfing history, but history is best left for the historians, like Encyclopedia of Surfing author Matt Warshaw. "All those retro boards worked great -- when they weren't retro," Matt told me. "Any shortboard rode like a miracle in the late '60s, compared to longboards; the stinger felt loose and pivoty after the basic roundpin single; the twin was REALLY loose compared to ANY single -- on down the line. But going back to any of those boards today means you're either a fashion victim (80% of the fish riders?) or such a hot surfer that you're just bored with regular equipment (Machado)."
Donny's brother also offered the following in summation:
a. "Chuck Norris knows that Simon Anderson invented the thruster. Chuck Norris isn't sure who designed your retro board, but Chuck Norris suspects he might have been French."
b. "Chuck Norris rode a quad once in the '80s. He made sure to get an STD test afterwards. We didn't know all the facts back then."
c. "If Chuck Norris caught the last wave, the next wave still belongs to Chuck Norris."
Despite these compelling points, the argument continued well into the second week of our surf trip. Donny continued to ride his retro boards, Donny kept avoiding the barrel, and we kept offering forceful advice:
"You're going too low 'cause you're on that crap retro board. You need to draw a high line. Point your leading arm towards the exit of the barrel, and that's where you'll go."
"You're out-running the tube 'cause you're on that crap quad fish. You need to slow down more."
"You can't fit in these tubes because your stance is all wrong. You're bending at the waist when you should be bending your knees. That and the retro board are not helping."
I DRIVE A VW AND IT COSTS ME A PACKET OK? 
