Going to the dogs

[willli]

New York City has many unusual attractions, the vast majority of which are absolutely unknown to the public at large, tourists and the odd visitor. Take a few odd million or so people, with their dogs, cats, birds, fish, snakes, turtles, alligators and… you get the picture… you will get some pretty odd behavior. Now I don’t know if city bus drivers are a special breed of oddness unto themselves, I drove one myself for about a year, “the Great One” played one on the “honeymooners”, but they certainly develop an astute wariness concerning the masses of people waiting at stops to board and pay their fare… or not pay, and ride courtesy of the mayor. Well there was this one driver who had absolutely had it with people. After some 35years of picking them up and dropping them off he decided one day that from then on he would only pick up dogs. There are many dogs in NYC. Dogs running loose, dogs hitched to parking meters while their owners shopped, dogs behind fences, any dog that was accessible was offered a ride on this man’s bus. It was quite a sight to see a bus motoring through the streets with dogs in every seat, looking out windows, barking like crazy, doing the nasty in the back of the bus, running up and down the aisles, and the strangest thing was the dogs “got it”. They knew their stops! They knew when to get on, and when to get off! The cleaners in the bus barn, an absolutely huge garage full of buses, refused to go near this “dog bus”, as it came to be known. Somehow, the dogs always knew when it was coming.
Another detail few New Yorkers know is NYC gets surf. You can ride the subway to the Rockaways, where Coney Island and the steeplechase and cyclone were, and if the swell is right, find a quality little wave. It doesn’t have the power or size of breaks further east, but it will do in a pinch. You can also drive your car there, which is what I did, between night tours of working. You can’t drive a “good” car there cause you can actually watch it get stolen from the water, and not dare paddle in to confront the local zip gun crowd. No point in locking your junker either, cause the windows will get broke for the loose change you must leave lying about as a sort of pirate wino druggie tribute. No problems, all part of the local color. Well I was there, in a beat up old VW bug. The only thing of value I had besides my board and wettie was a pastrami sandwich from Katz’s Deli. This is a huge sandwich, and the fact that I was on temporary assignment in the firehouse nearest the deli made it even bigger than normal, probably at least three pounds of meat. My wettie was half on, you know, one piece full with the upper torso and arms dangling from my waist, and I was trying to decide whether to surf first, or eat first, so the sandwich was sitting on the hood of the car.
Well up pulls the “dog bus” on an outing to the beach. I’m fascinated. I mean up to that point I had heard rumors, but to actually see it! The door hisses open and this absolute mob of dogs pours out. They mill about for a few moments, peeing and such, when noses suddenly perk up and they make a beeline toward me and my car! The sandwich!! I grab the bag and climb to the top of my bug, using my board still on the racks as a platform. Well this must have been a sight. A man half dressed in a rubber suit standing atop a surfboard atop a Volkswagen holding a brown bag and surrounded by some 40 dogs of all shapes and sizes and breed all yapping and yipping and begging to be fed. Thank god they were at least being polite.
This noise created a stir among the local dregs of people, the usual crowd of winos and drug dealers and assorted low lives. Now when groups of people show up, well the driver thought they wanted a ride, and he absolutely despises people, so he shuts the bus door and drives off. They’re all pointing at me, laughing at this stupid white boy, trapped on top of his car by a pack of dogs. A few start making gun shapes with their fingers and pointing them at me, and a couple of them hurry off, a sure sign that planned trouble is afoot. I was much more worried about them than the dogs, who had all taken to lying about watching every move of the brown bag. All their eyes and ears perked up when I put the bag near my feet so I could finish donning my wetsuit. A plan had formed in my brain. I would throw the absolutely wonderful Katz’s pastrami as far from my car as I could and make a dash for the ocean. It was a great plan with one flaw, I was hungry too. I figured one massive bite would do me, plus it would get the interest of the dogs, whet their appetite even more, so to speak, and allow me an exit. I slipped the straps from my board so it was loose on the racks, and took half the sandwich from the bag.
If you’ve never tasted good pastrami on rye I feel for you. It may be a heart clogger, but when done to perfection like this sandwich was, a heavenly melting of pastrami and mustard and rye with a nice sprinkle of kraut and a half so big it had to be held with two hands and nibbled around the edges just to make a place to fit your mouth for that first jaw aching bite that would feed a family for a week … well you can understand that thoughts of throwing it to the dogs bordered on sacrilege. The plan took exit from my brain as I lorded over all those salivating dogs who were unable to take their eyes off the slightest movement of my hand as I pulled the sandwich closer for a second bite … smash. The car window below me shattered into a million shards simultaneous with the sound of a single firecracker and as my attention shifted to the gathered locals I could see them fumbling with their home-made gun, laughing and shouting epithets at me and apparently in the process of reloading. New Plan! I threw the pastrami sandwich as far as I could, toward them, and all the dogs took off running after the sandwich, in chase of the sweet pastrami smell, which gave the locals quite a shock, and me time to grab my board and leap from the top of the bug, landing in full stride, racing to the ocean and perceived safety. I say perceived with good reason, because how far do you have to paddle out to be beyond zip gun range? The locals realized the dogs were no threat real quick, and seeing me furiously paddling away from the beach, I guess they figured their precious bullets were better placed into my helpless bug. Well it wasn’t just bullets. More like bats, and rocks smashing every window and light and fender and mirror followed by pee in the interior followed by a good rocking till the poor bug was knocked on her side, a knife cut to the gas line and a flame lit to put her out of her misery.
Now a reasonable person might ask “Where was New York’s Finest during all this ruckus?” I mean where’s the bloody police when you need them? Well the flames did attract a sector car, which scattered the locals, and he called the Fire Department. Seeing the arrival of NY’s Bravest gave me new courage so I paddled in to greet and identified myself as one of their own. There was room for me and my board on the fire truck for a ride to a nice safe subway station with my scorched license plates in hand and the officer grateful that I agreed he process the fire as “unknown owner, abandoned”, which it was cause I didn’t stay and defend her … poor bug… but the dogs were in a bit of a lurch and were on their own, that is, till the bus pulled up, while we were standing there, and hiss… the door opened, and the 40 odd dogs filed on board taking their places by the windows and yipping and yapping about what great day they had at the beach, and the food… pastrami to die for… and you can get it free at this out of the way Rockaway beach.
I never caught a wave there again.

[willli]

some notes:
Coney Island is not part of the Rockaways, but was thrown in to orient people who know little or nothing about NYC. Most people have heard of Coney Island and some of the attractions remain there. The section of the Rockaways that I referred to is mostly desolate empty land with fallen down abandoned buildings and decrepit streets running up to the ocean. The land is either owned by the city or quite a few large money interests who are still awaiting a move toward casinos in NYC, the area envisioned as a future Atlantic City or Las Vegas, hence its perpetual undeveloped state. The beaches there are quite beautiful ... if you're willing to take the risk.

[SFKneelo]

Classic! I was almost expecting Snake (Kurt Russell) to show up...

[Jon Manss]

I hope you're saving these stories, they are classics. I'm glad you have time to share them with us all. Jon

[Jack Beresford]

Willi,

Great story! I'm curious where in the Rockaways this took place?

My grandparents had a bungalow at Breezy Point for years and our family would travel back east every summer for a few weeks. (Note: Breezy is part of the Rockaways at the very tip of Long Island and is nothing like the area Willi described.) When there's a south it creates a mushy little wave on a sandbar 1/4 mile out. There's also a nasty little shorebreak which is great for womping. My brother and likely got our first tube rides here - minus boards.

About 10 years ago, my wife and I made the trip back east over Labor Day Weekend - walking down to the beach at Breezy we discovered it breaking head-high with a crisp early-fall offshore. It looked so good I HAD to find a board to paddle out! After knocking on a few doors (it's the friendliest place on earth) I found an 8' fun board and paddled out for the first time in 30+ visits to NYC. I alternated between kneeboarding and standup surfing on the board until the Lifeguards called me in. (It's a private beach and they don't let people go in the water with floating devices when its offshore!) Undoubtedly one of the top sessions of my life.

That same trip, my wife and I ate at Katz' Deli for the first time. As I read your story I can taste the pastrami!

Thanks for the memories,

Jack

[hart]

Willli,

So bloody funny. What an incredible story.

And the 'Great One', was that Jack Gleeson?

Keep writing mate, I'm listening

Bruce.

[willli]

Jack,

Breezy Point is such a wonderful little place and yes it is part of the Rockaway penninsula, although being in Breezy feels so far away from the city. The part of Rockaway I refer to is probably called Arverne or Edgemere , in the strech leading from Seaside east to Far Rockaway. If you've ever made the drive from Breezy to Long Beach you probably never deviated from the main drag that follows the elevated (El). If you had you would get the picture. So good to hear you caught some surf on your visit! Head high in breezy usually means DOH in Montauk! I don't surf in there anymore, water is too brown. I pretty much limit myself to Moriches Inlet east. If you're in NYC and feel like getting wet, give me a hello.

Bill

[geo]

Another New York classic Story! Being a long time Rockaway Beach resident on and off most of my life I was figuring you were more than likely surf Far Rockaway. Really an unbelieveable place only place in the world I have seen undeveloped beach front property.
As for the Rock it self gets calassic on some swells with the Northeast winds being offshore and with a little westnorthwest wind Breezy turns into a
great beach break barre feat. Being part of The Gaterway National Park system limits the crowd factor, along with the need for a 4x4 and $25 permit.