A *bule in Java

[tomway]

*bule => Indonesian for 'westerner' (lit. albino)

This tickled me and I thought others who know indonesia might enjoy.

A few weeks ago, my friend Will was driving through the night to meet me at the beach for a surf. His wife Christin was sitting in the back (probably shaking with fear as Will attacked the mountain trail with his usual careless abandon) and his baby girl Maggie sleeping in the passenger seat.

It was late. As they ascended up through the mountains the palms and fruit trees gave way to teak forest and the humid, scented air became cooler and crisper. The teak trees stood straight and skeletal - the dry season having stripped them of leaves over the previous months.

As Will rounded a bend in road, he noticed a faint glow up ahead and as he drew nearer realised that a fire was smoldering on the side of the road. He didn't pay it much attention as it was most likely one of the trash fires that the locals often lit in ditches, but ...there were no houses in the area and he couldn't see any people nearby.

As he came alongside he realised that this was the beginning of a forest fire. He quickly pulled over and tried to think of a way to put it out. A car drove past and he tried to flag it down to get some help.

The car didn't stop.

The mountainside was covered in piles of drying teak leaves and the fire was smouldering through them and in to the forest. A tree had started to burn slowly at the base.

A couple of motorbikes drove past and he yelled 'Help, Help!' to get their attention.

The bikes didn't stop.

Desperate, he ripped a couple of leaves off a lone banana tree and started beating the smouldering leaves, waving and shouting at every vehicle that drove past. He realised he was going to have to deal with the fire himself. He wondered if, hailing from San diego and having watched parts of town burn twice in recent times, he was being paranoid. Another tree started to burn. His makeshift fire blankets were disintegrating so he ripped off some fresh banana leaves from the solitary banana tree.

Slowly he began to win the battle. He had put out the tree and half the burning foliage and was working his way back down the hillside putting out the remaining smouldering leaves when suddenly he noticed a man was standing beside him. One of the cars he had waved at had returned.

The man was watching Will with curiosity. He was smoking a cigarette. His family, in the car, had their noses pressed against the windows and were gazing with open mouths.

Will, who was pretty bushed after his hard work, managed to stammer (in Indonesian), 'Fire! Help me.... kill the fire... banana leaf!'

The man drew on his cigarette. 'Where from, mister?'

Will, 'Um... England.. America! Here take this leaf, help me with fire!'

The man looked at the leaf in Will's outstretched hand. 'Ah!' He replied, and continued in broken in English, 'England. Machester United. Good. Yes, yes!' He did not take the leaf, neither did he help put out the fire.

Will looked at him incredulously.

'Manchester. Good football. Ryan Giggs, yes, YES!' The man seemed to behaving a beatific football epiphany.

Will, when he found his voice, started to rant in English, 'Look, mate, the forest is burning, I've been trying to put it out for the last half an hour, I've got my wife and kid in the car, as much as I'd like to sit down and smoke a Gudang Garam and talk football with you I don't really have the time just now!'

The man crestfallen, started to walk back to his car, then paused and turned. 'Chelsea?' he asked with a hopeful smile.

When Will eventually got to his hotel, the fridge was full of cold Bintang.

Everything was going to be alright.