The history of Albert Whiteman
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Mike Fernandez
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The history of Albert Whiteman
Please stick to historical facts about the person, or well founded rumors, but no opinions (EI:I think George Greenough is great because he invented the spoon.) This does no good in attaining the history of the person.
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Tony Wales
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Bert was a right little bastard.
He could flash that cheeky little grin and get away with bloody murder.
I first got to know Albert in the mid 80’s when we formed the Southside Kneeriders Club and bought the kneeriders of Sydney’s Eastern Beaches and Cronulla together. For the Cronulla boys Albert was a shock, we didn’t have ratbags like Albert. The thing was that Albert could rip big time – he walked away with the club title that first year and inspired everybody to rip harder in the water.
Out of the water Bert moved at a gazillion miles an hour. He was the Lizard King reborn, the style and sleaze of Morrison and Jagger rolled into one, if it was jamming on the harmonica in the back of somebody’s van in a beachside carpark or standing on the table in a crowded Newcastle restaurant declaring himself the Lizard King before a night of chemical powered debauchery Bert fuelled us all to rise to the occasion.
So many memories of Bert but one always sticks out for me, it was a club contest up at Crescent Head. Bert got us kicked out of the Crescent Head Country Club for throwing pool balls around the room and other stupidity. We moved to the carpark on the point to continue to party, there was Pete McClure, Garnsie, Bert, myself and a few other people – and of course Buddy, Bert’s ever present cattle dog. When the police arrived we were all so stupid drunk we scattered in all directions but there are not too many places to hide on Crescent Point or the golf course. Eventually the police rounded most of us up, big Pete assuring us it was okay “because we would have a bed for the night, get breakfast and only pay a one dollar fine” – but the police weren’t finished yet, they had me up against the car saying, “where’s the little guy with the dog?” all the while I’m staring straight at Bert and Buddy who are hiding under a car just a few feet away and Bert was laughing his head off at me. Bastard! The police gave up on us in the end and told us to shut up and go to sleep. We didn't.
Bert’s surfing was inspirational. I loved the guys cutbacks he could rip the hell of Sydney’s sloppy beach breaks. His influence in the Southside Club was huge, pushing us all to surf better, showing us how it should be done.
I miss Bert, miss his grin, miss his “what’s next” attitude, miss his 2.30am phone calls for a chat, miss his “off the floor kitchen parties”, miss the terrified look on my brother’s face as Bert pissed off the balcony, miss the hungover Bert sheepishly lurking in the carpark at contests. I miss the little bastard.
Bert used to say he wouldn’t live to be thirty. It all ended too soon. As Pete McClure said at Albert’s funeral, “We’re going to bury him on his head so he cant get out!”
He could flash that cheeky little grin and get away with bloody murder.
I first got to know Albert in the mid 80’s when we formed the Southside Kneeriders Club and bought the kneeriders of Sydney’s Eastern Beaches and Cronulla together. For the Cronulla boys Albert was a shock, we didn’t have ratbags like Albert. The thing was that Albert could rip big time – he walked away with the club title that first year and inspired everybody to rip harder in the water.
Out of the water Bert moved at a gazillion miles an hour. He was the Lizard King reborn, the style and sleaze of Morrison and Jagger rolled into one, if it was jamming on the harmonica in the back of somebody’s van in a beachside carpark or standing on the table in a crowded Newcastle restaurant declaring himself the Lizard King before a night of chemical powered debauchery Bert fuelled us all to rise to the occasion.
So many memories of Bert but one always sticks out for me, it was a club contest up at Crescent Head. Bert got us kicked out of the Crescent Head Country Club for throwing pool balls around the room and other stupidity. We moved to the carpark on the point to continue to party, there was Pete McClure, Garnsie, Bert, myself and a few other people – and of course Buddy, Bert’s ever present cattle dog. When the police arrived we were all so stupid drunk we scattered in all directions but there are not too many places to hide on Crescent Point or the golf course. Eventually the police rounded most of us up, big Pete assuring us it was okay “because we would have a bed for the night, get breakfast and only pay a one dollar fine” – but the police weren’t finished yet, they had me up against the car saying, “where’s the little guy with the dog?” all the while I’m staring straight at Bert and Buddy who are hiding under a car just a few feet away and Bert was laughing his head off at me. Bastard! The police gave up on us in the end and told us to shut up and go to sleep. We didn't.
Bert’s surfing was inspirational. I loved the guys cutbacks he could rip the hell of Sydney’s sloppy beach breaks. His influence in the Southside Club was huge, pushing us all to surf better, showing us how it should be done.
I miss Bert, miss his grin, miss his “what’s next” attitude, miss his 2.30am phone calls for a chat, miss his “off the floor kitchen parties”, miss the terrified look on my brother’s face as Bert pissed off the balcony, miss the hungover Bert sheepishly lurking in the carpark at contests. I miss the little bastard.
Bert used to say he wouldn’t live to be thirty. It all ended too soon. As Pete McClure said at Albert’s funeral, “We’re going to bury him on his head so he cant get out!”
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Mike Fernandez
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Very nice Tony. I have heard the name mentioned often in the past, but didn't know anything about Albert.
I am a traveller of both time and space, a weaver in and out of dreams, I see worlds seldom seen.
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http://www.youtube.com/user/kneelocoveproduction
www.michaelfernandezphoto.com
Rocky Point/Black Rock
http://www.youtube.com/user/kneelocoveproduction
Hi Tony and welcome aboard.
I was tempted to do history peices on a couple of guys that Mike thru out there a while back but was scared i wouldn't do them justice. Perhaps if I took your approach of telling some of my favourite stories about kneelos i knew it would have been easier. If you dont mind i would like to add one or two about our friend Bert. I say our because he was so many peoples friend, and yet everyone seemed to have their own personal connection with the guy.
Mid eighties Duranbah contest its about 7pm and Bert leads about 20 kneelos thru the Coolangatta MacDonalds in single file marching and singing in unison, and then marches everyone backwards to go thru again - LSD and amphetamines may have been consumed together by some of the participants.
Late eighties and i roll up unannounced to the Friar Tuck factory in Byron, Bert as usual asks how long i will be staying - its always assumed that your going to stay - on one proviso "there are no quite nights". That afternoon or the next we head down to Ballina trying to find a surf. Albert, Bro Diplock( learning how to build kneeboards) and myself - Albert always the conductor has us parking one car at the surf club and then we drive 600 yards down to the breakwall to paddle out. The surf is about 10 feet - but is all windswell and straight south and missing all the banks except for those on the far outside where the peaks are breaking but each wave just sends you further up the coast. Two or three waves each and we paddle in at the next beach up the coast and walk back to the first car stategically placed by Bert to save walking back to the breakwall.
1986 Aussie titles at Narrabeen - Tony might have been the NSW state team manager? I sneak into the event as first reserve. The guys from outside of the area are staying at the Time and Tide hotel at Dee Why. Most nights after the event there is a team meeting where the older guys rev up the groms to do better tomorrow. On this particular night Albert has invited himself to the meeting even though his surfing for Queensland, after only three or four drinks Albert decides as we are leaving that his going to walk thru the pub naked, just before we leave. I am instucted to drive the get away car which i park near the side door with the engine running. Albert is about to enter the bar with a palm frond and snakeskin boots and not much else, when Andrew Smith(Baden's twin - thats a whole other story) comes round the corner see's albert and warns that securty guards are about to come round from the front of the hotel. Albert jumps in my car and I try to drive out calmly. We get 100 yards up the street and as make a right turn i notice a booze bus(random breath testing unit) just up the road. I immediately park the car up on the nearest nature strip and approach another police car which was interested to see why i might be stopping, talking at 100 miles an hour without any drug assistance i explain that i know it looks like i am avoiding been tested for driving under the influence, but if the kind policeman would look in my front passenger seat they would see a naked Albert save for a large palm frond and boots, and of course i was only stopping because how could i explain berts dress sense to someone who didnt know him - we were sent on our way, i dont think bert even blnked except for when the policemens torch shone thru my window, and the cop nodded in disbelief to his buddy that it really was as i said.
never a dull moment with bert!
I was tempted to do history peices on a couple of guys that Mike thru out there a while back but was scared i wouldn't do them justice. Perhaps if I took your approach of telling some of my favourite stories about kneelos i knew it would have been easier. If you dont mind i would like to add one or two about our friend Bert. I say our because he was so many peoples friend, and yet everyone seemed to have their own personal connection with the guy.
Mid eighties Duranbah contest its about 7pm and Bert leads about 20 kneelos thru the Coolangatta MacDonalds in single file marching and singing in unison, and then marches everyone backwards to go thru again - LSD and amphetamines may have been consumed together by some of the participants.
Late eighties and i roll up unannounced to the Friar Tuck factory in Byron, Bert as usual asks how long i will be staying - its always assumed that your going to stay - on one proviso "there are no quite nights". That afternoon or the next we head down to Ballina trying to find a surf. Albert, Bro Diplock( learning how to build kneeboards) and myself - Albert always the conductor has us parking one car at the surf club and then we drive 600 yards down to the breakwall to paddle out. The surf is about 10 feet - but is all windswell and straight south and missing all the banks except for those on the far outside where the peaks are breaking but each wave just sends you further up the coast. Two or three waves each and we paddle in at the next beach up the coast and walk back to the first car stategically placed by Bert to save walking back to the breakwall.
1986 Aussie titles at Narrabeen - Tony might have been the NSW state team manager? I sneak into the event as first reserve. The guys from outside of the area are staying at the Time and Tide hotel at Dee Why. Most nights after the event there is a team meeting where the older guys rev up the groms to do better tomorrow. On this particular night Albert has invited himself to the meeting even though his surfing for Queensland, after only three or four drinks Albert decides as we are leaving that his going to walk thru the pub naked, just before we leave. I am instucted to drive the get away car which i park near the side door with the engine running. Albert is about to enter the bar with a palm frond and snakeskin boots and not much else, when Andrew Smith(Baden's twin - thats a whole other story) comes round the corner see's albert and warns that securty guards are about to come round from the front of the hotel. Albert jumps in my car and I try to drive out calmly. We get 100 yards up the street and as make a right turn i notice a booze bus(random breath testing unit) just up the road. I immediately park the car up on the nearest nature strip and approach another police car which was interested to see why i might be stopping, talking at 100 miles an hour without any drug assistance i explain that i know it looks like i am avoiding been tested for driving under the influence, but if the kind policeman would look in my front passenger seat they would see a naked Albert save for a large palm frond and boots, and of course i was only stopping because how could i explain berts dress sense to someone who didnt know him - we were sent on our way, i dont think bert even blnked except for when the policemens torch shone thru my window, and the cop nodded in disbelief to his buddy that it really was as i said.
never a dull moment with bert!
Jamie
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Tony Wales
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Hi Jamie - wonderful Bert stories!
Good lord, the Macas march through, I'd forgotten that, wasn't there later debauchery at a night club in the main strip of Coolongatta. Fuzzy memory here but didn't Albert do something stupid off the balcony in the night club?
The Aussie Titles at Narrabeen were '87 and yes I was NSW Team Manager. The NSW team kneelos were Nov, Simon, Baden Smith, Craig Ashdown and yourself.
Not in the outrageous Albert story mode but showing the other side of Bert where he so appreciated our sport. In the 87 team we had Richie West in the NSW squad, Richie ofcourse was in Greenough's Crystal Voyager with Nat Young. One night Albert arranged a carton of beer and a video machine and we sat around one of the rooms in the Time and Tide and watched the movie while Richie told us stories about Greenough and the trip out to the island. Crystal Voyager was a seminal movie for any kneelo in the 70s and 80s and it was great to have Richie talk us through it.
What hasn't been mentioned yet is Albert's contribution to board design. I cherished my KNORMAL boards, they were special. One in particular, the last one I ever got from Albert, was magic. My first surf on it was at lowtide, five foot Cronulla Point, on my first five waves on that board I got barrelled - that board just knew what to do. I'm not one to get technical on board design, others are far better at that than I am.
Good lord, the Macas march through, I'd forgotten that, wasn't there later debauchery at a night club in the main strip of Coolongatta. Fuzzy memory here but didn't Albert do something stupid off the balcony in the night club?
The Aussie Titles at Narrabeen were '87 and yes I was NSW Team Manager. The NSW team kneelos were Nov, Simon, Baden Smith, Craig Ashdown and yourself.
Not in the outrageous Albert story mode but showing the other side of Bert where he so appreciated our sport. In the 87 team we had Richie West in the NSW squad, Richie ofcourse was in Greenough's Crystal Voyager with Nat Young. One night Albert arranged a carton of beer and a video machine and we sat around one of the rooms in the Time and Tide and watched the movie while Richie told us stories about Greenough and the trip out to the island. Crystal Voyager was a seminal movie for any kneelo in the 70s and 80s and it was great to have Richie talk us through it.
What hasn't been mentioned yet is Albert's contribution to board design. I cherished my KNORMAL boards, they were special. One in particular, the last one I ever got from Albert, was magic. My first surf on it was at lowtide, five foot Cronulla Point, on my first five waves on that board I got barrelled - that board just knew what to do. I'm not one to get technical on board design, others are far better at that than I am.
Ahh Man o War and the spoon guys are going to love the Greenough reference. I remember watching vid that night, it could have been the same night that Albert wore the frond, they all blend together after a while.
Sam Watts and some of the other groms were watching for a while but bailed as there was no current surfing on the vid.
Your right it was 87, but definetely Andrew Smith riding a Steve Artis 4 fin and no Baden.
I think Ken Horton shot some tv footage of the aussie titles that year for sky channel( the pubs channel of choice back then).
Sam Watts and some of the other groms were watching for a while but bailed as there was no current surfing on the vid.
Your right it was 87, but definetely Andrew Smith riding a Steve Artis 4 fin and no Baden.
I think Ken Horton shot some tv footage of the aussie titles that year for sky channel( the pubs channel of choice back then).
Jamie
Great stories guys! I met Albert at the D-bah contest in 1985, there was some marching going on that night too Jamie! I don't remember much of the details(!) except the marching song, "do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do" ! We hung out with Albert in Sydney and later,caught up in Bali for a month or two of surfing the peninsula, GLand and Nusa Lumbongan.
My brother rented a car and we all pack in to go to dinner down in Legian. The car was really full so Albert jumps on the roof. So we're driving down the main drag in Kuta with Albert on top and he starts pretending he's a windshield wiper and is moving his arms back and forth across the screen! My sides are still aching! God I miss that guy.
My brother rented a car and we all pack in to go to dinner down in Legian. The car was really full so Albert jumps on the roof. So we're driving down the main drag in Kuta with Albert on top and he starts pretending he's a windshield wiper and is moving his arms back and forth across the screen! My sides are still aching! God I miss that guy.
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Steeno
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Hey Bill I was at that D-Bah 85 comp aswell, Still have the T-shirt, think it is green and has "Unleash The Beast" on it....Jamie I think your thinking of the state titles at Narrabeen (i could be wrong), I remember Andrew Smith doing an aerial cork screw in a heat on the four fin(still vivid in my head).....and no Baden.
I remember Albert coming to my house with Gav after a Ulladulla comp mid 80's, he was so stoned, and dibbled all over my mum trying to convince her that he would look after me, if she would let me go surfing with Albert down the coast....
.....god knows how he convinced her
Yes I do!
Albert could convince you to do anything...
he was very persuasive
I remember Albert coming to my house with Gav after a Ulladulla comp mid 80's, he was so stoned, and dibbled all over my mum trying to convince her that he would look after me, if she would let me go surfing with Albert down the coast....
.....god knows how he convinced her
Yes I do!
Albert could convince you to do anything...
he was very persuasive
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Tony Wales
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I just uploaded a few photos of Oz Kneelos from the Mid 80s. There are two photos of Albert so if you want to put a (cheeky) face to the name see the link below:
album.php?user_id=1930
I hope the link works.
album.php?user_id=1930
I hope the link works.
...thanks!-
Johnboy Walton
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I've been reading this thread thinking it was not my place to tell any Bert stories as I certainly didn't know him as long as those who've written here already.
However, as the surf is flat and I'm on hols so have been digging through some old stuff and found a short piece from an old Tracks mag (link to a scanned copy in my personal gallery below).
album_showpage.php?pic_id=12720&user_id=1440
From what I've been told this was written by one of Albert's 'bra friends Steve 'Blackie' Wilson (could be wrong, happy to be corrected) - the pic is of Albert at Express Point at Phillip Island.
However, as the surf is flat and I'm on hols so have been digging through some old stuff and found a short piece from an old Tracks mag (link to a scanned copy in my personal gallery below).
album_showpage.php?pic_id=12720&user_id=1440
From what I've been told this was written by one of Albert's 'bra friends Steve 'Blackie' Wilson (could be wrong, happy to be corrected) - the pic is of Albert at Express Point at Phillip Island.
As an 18 year old naive grommet from the outback
I had a different experience of the ALBERT WHITEMAN
I wish it was a great experience like all before me recall.
I guess a balanced view gives a true perspective
ALBERT was not very nice to me at the world famous DURANBAH KNEEBOARD CLASSIC ...... if you never got to one of these contests it is a pity.
The DURANBAH KNEEBOARD CLASSIC was a contest that I couldnt wait to get to, kneeboarders from all over OZ and some of my heros would be there...... DAVE PARKES, MICHAEL NOVAKOV and the rest of the hot kneelos, I was in awe.
I get there and MONO an unreal one legged kneelo (where are you now Mono?) and others welcomed me except for the ALBERT WHITEMAN.
Being Naive and from WA, culturally distant from the East coast kneelo scene I tried my best and was extremely nervous and intimidated,
this ALBERT WHITEMAN character was ( in my 18 year old head ) out to get me.
Looking back it was harmless banter , but at the time it was serious stuff to an 18 year old
I was shocked at his suicide over the cliff, I wish I had more favourable memorys
Glad to get this off my chest
My apologies to AW fans
I had a different experience of the ALBERT WHITEMAN
I wish it was a great experience like all before me recall.
I guess a balanced view gives a true perspective
ALBERT was not very nice to me at the world famous DURANBAH KNEEBOARD CLASSIC ...... if you never got to one of these contests it is a pity.
The DURANBAH KNEEBOARD CLASSIC was a contest that I couldnt wait to get to, kneeboarders from all over OZ and some of my heros would be there...... DAVE PARKES, MICHAEL NOVAKOV and the rest of the hot kneelos, I was in awe.
I get there and MONO an unreal one legged kneelo (where are you now Mono?) and others welcomed me except for the ALBERT WHITEMAN.
Being Naive and from WA, culturally distant from the East coast kneelo scene I tried my best and was extremely nervous and intimidated,
this ALBERT WHITEMAN character was ( in my 18 year old head ) out to get me.
Looking back it was harmless banter , but at the time it was serious stuff to an 18 year old
I was shocked at his suicide over the cliff, I wish I had more favourable memorys
Glad to get this off my chest
My apologies to AW fans
Hi Bugie, sorry you have that memory.
To me Albert was a bright eyed kid with a set of amazing pterygiea (guessing thats the plural of pterygiums ) at the ripe old age of sixteen. His pterygiums were a sign of his dedication as a waterman - even at that age. That as well as his pyramid of curly bleached hair.
He always had a kind word to say, a bright smile on his face - and a set of feet so wide they would have sat well on Bilbo Baggins.
To me he was always a good bloke. He always had that harmonious aura about him that comes from spending time in the water.
To me Albert was a bright eyed kid with a set of amazing pterygiea (guessing thats the plural of pterygiums
) at the ripe old age of sixteen. His pterygiums were a sign of his dedication as a waterman - even at that age. That as well as his pyramid of curly bleached hair.He always had a kind word to say, a bright smile on his face - and a set of feet so wide they would have sat well on Bilbo Baggins.
To me he was always a good bloke. He always had that harmonious aura about him that comes from spending time in the water.