My review of Simon's NEW MOVIE!

[kneelingBROTHA]

http://aswelltime.blogspot.com/

Enjoy.

--Marc Bockman

[judd97]

WHY NOT POST HERE?

[Headwax.]

Nice review.

Stylistically that second last paragraph loses it though

And the review's conclusion?

I haven't seen the flick but if it's Farrer's work then I'd imagine its worth starving for a whole week - rather than just missing one lunch.....

I need to lose a little weight too.


cheers

[kneelingBROTHA]

Funny headwax! Yeah, I know $45 is quite a bit more than one lunch plate, I just thought it would be an amusing eding.

Fill me in, I'm always down for pointers. How does the second paragraph lose it stylistically? There is definitely a difference in the way its written, I just can't put my finger on it. It would really help me out if you let me know. I'm all about progression and improving on my writing.

As far as not posting it here, hey...its my blog, man. I just thought I would link to it.

--marc

[judd97]

stop whining about the price

from what I know Simon is a one man production company

anyone who has a high end camera realizes cost involved there

then add the computer and editing programs

THE MAN HOURS >> SHOOTING AND EDITING

go price a dvd by one of the BIG surf companys average cost $29.99

that's with production crew and unlimited budget anyone care to step up

and sponsor Simon's next movie?

[Headwax.]

1) Despite not being shot on excellent film stock, the camera footage is great for the most part.2) The best may be the dangerously-attained camera-board footage.3) A bare, bone-cracking aluminum skeleton holding a housing sits at just the right angle on Farrer's board for a great shot. 4) It allows the viewer to see most all of Farrer's movements and weight displacements. 5) The quite telling footage may have instructional value during one cut where a boat shot, layered over a board-cam shot, speaks with instructional value. 6) Weight distribution technique can be seen up close, and the whole ride is shown from afar

Hi Marc

The piece is excellently written as a whole - which makes that second last paragraph a bit of a pariah (whatever a pariah is.) I like your style.

What follows is not criticism but critique.

Sentence 1: "for the most part" seems to be tacked onto the end of that first sentence. The word "great" could use a morsel of "zing".

On the subject of "zing", the second sentence is blissfully "zingy". The hyphenation of "dangerously-attained" and "camera-board" really drive the pace.

Third sentence: the pace livens up with alliteration, onamatopea and some (almost) assonance, but the reader tumbles smack into the unweildy "at just the right angle on Farrer's board for a great shot".

Fourth sentence: "It allows the viewer" could be a little passive. Maybe "The viewer sees" is more active. The joining words "to see most all of" are a little verbose. "We see Farrer's movements and weight displacements." gets the message across withmimimal loss of meaning in half the words.

Fifth sentence: is a tad long. The repetition of "instructional value" certainly kills it (or whacks it mightily on the head).

Sixth sentence: "can be seen up close" is also a little passive. The sentences reaches for "parallelism" but just fails to attain it (eg we will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them in the kiosks, we will fight them for their kebabs; we will never surrender)


This critique comes from a failed novelist so take it with salt. I spent the decade between 30 and 40 writing four novels. I managed to con two agents in the states into reading the last one. They both rejected it.

Which was good. That meant I could go surfing


Presently am doing a kids book. I;ve finished 80 percent of the illustrations.

BTW: all the spelling mistakes in this post were on purpose.

My amateur attempt is far too staccatto. It needs a long languishing sentence at the end so I've joined up the last two sentences with a semi colon. The link between sentence 2 and 3 could be strengthened,

1) Despite not being shot on excellent film stock, for the most part the camera footage is in your face.
2) The best may be the dangerously-attained camera-board footage.
3) A bare, bone-cracking aluminum skeleton housing juts at just the right angle from Farrer's board.
4) We see Farrer's movements; we see his weight displacements; we see the hairs in his nose.
5) One cut, a boat shot layered over a board-cam shot, wreaks of instructional value; up close we see Farrer's weight distribution technique, simultaneously the whole ride is shown from afar.

Hope this is of interest. As I said take it with a grain of salt.

Judd

Best not to shout._________________

[fooj]

Wax, I wish I had the time to give the critique you just gave. Man, I love (to hate) English. Especially as a Hawai'i boy with pidgeon as my background. Gorgeous.

K-Bro, a decent and honest review. Your posts on this site don't match the review of I&O on your blog. Take that as critique. Oh, and the price was $40 plus $5 shipping, not $45, I do believe.

Thank you two for the mental break. No more comments from me.

[kneelingBROTHA]

Hey guys.

1) I'm not whining about the price--if I thought it was too much, I wouldn't have recommended the movie at the end.

2) Headwax--thank you. I wrote that at work and yes, I didn't put enough effort into proofreading it. I don't think I would have caught everything you mentioned, so I really appreciate the breakdown of what I did okay and what I bombed at! Really, it helps out.

3) Fooj--Thank you for the correction about the price. I will fix that in the blog.

Have a good one guys!

Get some waves (if there's any swell where you live!),

Marc Bockman

[rippe75]

I bought it about 1 1/2yrs ago and I still watch it a lot and learn from it a lot. I've been kneeboarding about 2yrs now and its a great film to learn technique... for beginners and the "non beginners".
GREAT surfing & footage. Good music too.

It's the only surf film I've ever bought and I thought it was money well spent.
Looking forward to more kneeboard films from Simon.
Or anyone else

[wolruss]

Hey Rippe,
Which DVD did you get, he's got a couple more, if you get on his web site www.simonfarrer.com.au they're listed. If you have trouble with that send me a PM & I'll see if we can't work something out as he lives about 5 mins away. Great DVD's I agree & yes brilliant for instruction or just pure entertainment. There are a few others around I'll have to go through my library & list them for you. Hope you & the family had a great Christmas & enjoy your New Year celebrations.

Cheers Wolruss

[Kauaikneelo]

Hey Wolruss how about a box set for those of us who are out of the world loop.? Board use and waves for hand delivery.!

[rippe75]

Hey Wolruss
At first, I was thinking of getting NSG 05 but ended up getting Inside & Out (since Mentawai waves look more like the waves here. I was interested in seeing how kneeboards can be ridden in these waves. Had only seen a couple of kneeboarders in my 20yrs(close to) of surfing.) I think I made the right choice, buying Inside & Out.

I did have a look at Simon's website and previewed the films before I bought it. I still dissect it bit by bit and understand new things as my riding improves. (Why people surf the way they do makes more sense everyday. Ya, I'm still a grom at heart
Also, heard somewhere that Troy Simpson doesn't ride kneeboards anymore. Pity, coz he RIPS!!)

Anyway, now waiting for mr farrer's new movie to come out.

[Headwax.]

all great movies, yes I'm waiting for simon's new one fingers crossed